MICROBLOG

TW: Mentions of queerphobia, war, genocide, rape

This is very un-Christian of me but there are a lot of days where I wake up and seethe over the rampant mischaracterisation of Jesus Christ. He would not fucking say that. He would not fucking do that. Jesus was a loving, gracious, whimsical, and kind man who hung out with the outcasts of society, advocated for giving to the poor, and told his followers to love their neighbours. Do not fucking stand there and tell me that Jesus Christ of Nazareth, son of God, would want you to put a gay kid into conversion therapy, or deport a refugee family, or support Israel's on-going genocide, or prevent a woman from aborting her rapist's baby, or ban trans kids from using bathrooms.

BRO what are we even doing here. Don't ever speak on my brother's name amen.

"I am what God made me."

I wish my mom would stop being so antagonistic towards me all of the time. She's like Agamemnon but slightly better. I understand that she is under a great deal of stress due to work and our familial situation, but I don't think it's acceptable for her to take it out on me. No matter what I say, conversations with her always end in her berating, criticising, or mocking me. I bring up the Iliad? She begins to go on about how grateful I should be for having the time to read it while she has to work and take care of the family. I tell her I don't want to do something? She ridicules me for being so ungrateful and selfish.

I really wish this would end. I hope it does soon once our situation settles--though I honestly can't remember a single time in my life when she wasn't like this. Ever since I could talk and walk, my mother has always been trying to mould me into this perfect projection of herself rather than treating me like I'm an individual human being. I remember how she'd scream at me for not being good at math while helping me with homework. She jokes about it a lot. I try to laugh it off, but I genuinely can't see what's so funny about yelling at a small child until they cry. I hope she changes one day, but I'm tired of expecting better from people.

It makes me nauseous to think that this seems to be a hereditary thing, as my grandparents were the same way to her. I pray that I break the cycle and I will not be like them with my own child. It concerns me that so many people will act so horrible to children. What sort of evil lives in someone that would cause them to treat a child like an object rather than a human being?

I am ecstatic today. My hardcover copy of the Iliad, translated by Emily Wilson, has arrived. I've been reading the ebook version up until now, and it's so great to finally have this in my hands.

This bad boy is almost as thick as a Bible and weighs a shit ton. It's slightly larger and heavier than my copy of Babel by R.F. Kuang.

I've also ordered Emily Wilson's translation of the Odyssey, which should hopefully arrive next week. I was debating between Wilson and Fagles for both of these epics. While Fagles' translations are, I think, more popular, poetic, and faithful to the source material (or at least as faithful as you can be to a poem written thousands of years ago)--I do like Emily Wilson's modernisation for the sake of my monkey gen z brain. If you're someone who's new to the epic cycle and/or classics in general, I strongly recommend her work.

Anyway, here's the book.

Chemistry has been kicking my ass as of recent. I did very well for the first unit: reaction kinetics--but now that dynamic equilibrium has rolled around, I feel like I'm being punished for foolishly believing I've mastered high school chemistry. Because spring break starts next week, the unit felt like a massive crunch and I was helplessly being dragged along. I did a quiz today and received a mark of 84% which is... definitely not my best work. At least now I know what I need to study, for the test that's literally tomorrow.

I feel as though every time I do an assesment, there's always one or two things I happen to miss. It's frustrating, no doubt. The fact that this unit heavily relies on reading comprehension also doesn't help. I feel like I cannot do calculations and read/understand long, wordy questions at the same time. It's like, when I flick one side on, the other switches off.

Another thing that displeases me is Agamemnon, from the Iliad. This guy just keeps pissing me off. He sacrifices his daughter Iphigenia so that his forces can sail to Troy, refuses to give up his war prize Chryseis when Greek soldiers were dying of the plague (which Apollo inflicted on them for kidnapping his priest's daughter), then pisses off Achilles majorly by demanding Briseis as compensation, and is generally just so antagonistic towards everyone??? This dude just straight up sucks. I swear he doesn't even care about winning the war.

And finally, Achilles. Now I don't hate Achilles as much as I hate Agamemnon, because at least he has some redeeming characteristics. But I can't get behind the fact that this man-child keeps whining about everything while being the reason why the Trojan War goes on for so long. Bro literally gets slighted by Agamemnon and decides to hole up in his tent instead of fighting the damn war he signed up for. Oh boo hoo Patroclus died (I love you Pat, sorry), WELL MAYBE if you were actually on the field he wouldn't have.

That aside, I feel like I should rename my Iliad shrine to just being an Epic cycle shrine, since I do want to talk about things that happen before/during/after the Trojan war that aren't necessarily described in the Iliad. I would also like to write a longer blog post where I just rant about the characters I love and hate. It would definitely sound incoherent and plain stupid though.

Work on scholarship applications

Work on Valedictory Ceremony Historian application

Work on my shrines

Start the Hera & Phaedon fic

Work on Women in Engineering event outreach efforts

Hey, so I've updated the look of my website quite a bit, for the second time this year. I didn't hate the previous layout per se, but I really wanted something more minimalistic, less cluttered, and easier on the eyes. The previous aesthetic didn't really feel like me, more like what I thought was cool among folks on Neocities. There's that, and also I'm sad to say that my dearest Wriothesley has begun to fade from my mind. Don't get me wrong, he's still very dear to me, but I'd like to shift my focus to something else--specifically Greek mythology. So I've removed a lot of Wriothesley stuff from my site, but you can still find the shrine here.

I would also like to give my thanks to everyone who has left a message on my guestbook. I read and appreciate every single one that's left for me :). I will try to respond to all of them.

I'm very tempted to write some fanfiction that focuses on the relationship between Hera and my OC Phaedon post-Zeus-eagle-kidnapping. I'd love to explore how their relationship progresses, from Hera being initially hostile and cold towards this (unwilling) lover of Zeus, to finding connection and solidarity with him as she begins to recognise him as a victim. I really want to write about Phaedon's relationship with his mother indirectly through his interactions with Hera, as I feel like he'd totally project Hecate onto her.

It may be a bit OOC for the Hera that we've always known--vengeful, bitter, and resentful as men have written her for the past kajillion years. But I think for once, it'd be nice to look at her in a different light. Not to excuse what she has done to Zeus' (consensual and non-consensual) affair partners, but to give her a slight chance at redemption, I guess.

I'm very busy this month, so we'll have to see if I can actually manage to get this out. I'll likely post it on my blog when I'm done.

TW: RAPE, SLAVERY, MISOGYNY

I've been enjoying my read of the Iliad, and playing around with my OC in this silly little self-indulgent AU I've crafted. However, this also means I have to grapple with the less pleasant aspects of Homer's work, namely the violence towards women.

One prominent example is Achilles keeping a woman named Briseis as a war prize--a sex slave, basically. My OC Phaedon is intended to be close friends with Achilles, and I think I need to consider this fact when writing about their relationship. While sexual slavery was normalised during these times, I don't think Phaedon would condone it, though his opinion may waver when it's personal. It is tempting to keep my characters sanitised and maintain them as the "good guys" of the story, but I think it's only realistic that he has flaws; that there are certain things he's willing to overlook when it's his friend(s). As terrible as it is to be complicit, it is only human.

I'll probably add a paragraph or two about this to his personality and relationship sections.

It's a small world. You may not be an angel--but you are my girl. You are my pack a day. You are my favourite place.

I've begun reading the Iliad, and I'm afraid it has me by the throat. I like imagining an AU where, instead of a full-blown war that cost thousands of men their lives, the Trojan War was actually just a beef between frat houses. Frat boy Odysseus... that is certainly a vision.

I have been tempted into creating an Iliad OC, and it's honestly just an excuse to self-insert myself into silly little shenanigans with my favourite war criminals. I will probably create a page for him. It is unfortunate that my drawing skills are lacking.

As much as I am loving the Iliad so far, I am worried that this will evolve into a special interest/intense fixation that will replace my dearest Wriothesley. I haven't really been thinking of him much as of recently, and that makes me feel very guilty. But also, maybe I shouldn't be afraid of change.

I feel like this should be a given, but trans rights are human rights. Trans people will always be welcome on my page. Conversely, transphobes, "gender-critical" people, TERFs, and so-called "man-hating feminists" are not. Be cool.

I decided to get rid of my journal page and split my journalling affairs into two new pages: a blog (powered by BearBlog) and this microblog page. Here, you can expect random thoughts, updates, and the occasional silly image. Just unserious things, really.