OVERVIEW.

IT FELL FROM HEAVEN.

Like Agamemnon in Book 2 of the Iliad, a revelation appeared to me in a dream. I had a vision where I took the position of an omnipotent spectator, observing the daily lives of the Iliad's protagonists in the modern, 21st century. It was surreal to witness these legendary characters from a 2000-year-old text try to figure out how to file taxes, work 9-to-5 office jobs, and line up for the cashier at Whole Foods. Although I hardly remember the actual events of the dream, it spawned this bizarre reincarnation modern alternate universe that has taken over my entire life.

It'd be quite misleading to call this AU a modern retelling of the Iliad and its events. There is no revolutionary new spin on the original text, nor does it really follow a coherent plotline that is accurately based on the text. Many artistic liberties are taken that will definitely piss off anyone who is very anal about the source material. This reincarnation-modern-mundane AU is literally just an excuse for me to put these guys into Situations and gush about my favourite guy ever: Diomedes.

On this webpage, I go over information (such as names, relations, plot lines) that may go over your head if you're not familiar with the Iliad and the Epic Cycle. My AU should still be somewhat understandable without this background information, but if you want to get into the nitty-gritty, see this SparkNotes summary and character overview.

STORY.

THE WAR ON TERROR (& MONOGAMY).

As punishment for the war crimes committed during the Trojan War, everyone's favourite Greeks and Trojans: Achilles, Agamemnon, Menelaus, Patroclus, Diomedes, Odysseus, Paris, Hector, and the like are reincarnated into the modern era as Americans. Most of their key characteristics and personalities remain unchanged, though they can only recall their ancient memories via the occassional dream, acid trip, or blunt rotation. "What God or higher celestial being is responsible for this?", "does every bad person in history get reincarnated as punishment?", "why do their wives/friends/families reincarnate even if they didn't do anything wrong?", "does this mean the Buddhists were right?" I hear you cry--but please suspend your disbelief and hold your questions. All you need to know is that being an American truly is the most damning penance of all, and I'm putting all these guys through the wringer. (For the record, I am Canadian).

Fun fact! This AU wouldn't exist without 9/11, so at least something awesome came out of the national tragedy besides MCR and the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise. That's because, as a stand-in for the Trojan War, the main Achaean heroes are sent to Iraq from 2003-2009 instead--working as operators in an elite special forces unit under the operational control of the Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC). During the length of their deployment, the gang gets involved in what men are best bred for: steamy gay sex, cheating on their wives, human rights violations, and witnessing the horrors of humanity.

The crucial plot elements of the Epic Cycle's story haven't been completely abandoned. While the guys are overseas killing, fucking, and sucking, Paris--the nepo-baby son of finance mogul Priam--has his eyes on Helen. Aphrodite, a famous model acquainted with Helen through the fashion industry, was previously chosen by Paris in a contest of beauty between her, Athena, and Hera at a party the Olympians threw (who, in this AU, are somewhat equivalent to the Kardashians). As promised, Aphrodite rewards Paris; scheming with him to get Helen into his bed. The two of them coerce Helen into infidelity with threats of cutting business ties between Priam and the Atreides' firms--spelling doom for Helen's husband Menelaus and his brother Agamemnon's family business, which is currently under threat of going under due to their absence in the war and their father's rapid aging.

As predicted, by Paris and Aphrodite, Helen goes along with them to protect her beloved husband's business affairs, and Hector is tempted to strangle his younger brother Paris. Across the sea, Menelaus and his boys are completely unaware of the whole mess they're about to get into.

(PLEASE DON'T ASSUME I THINK STRAIGHT MARRIAGE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR).

Cue 2009, two years after I was born and one year after the 2008 recession. Barack Obama becomes the first African-American President of the United States. Adolescents migrate in masses from MySpace to Facebook. Micheal Jackson freaking dies. Scene kids are "rawring" and "XD-ing" about. Little Rango is shitting through his diapers. And most importantly, the boys are back to Party in the USA.

The unit is, in true American fashion, pardoned for their war crimes, given their honours and measly VA benefits, and shoved back into society. Some adapt and reintigrate better than others. Ajax kills himself after his final straw: losing a bet to Odysseus. Achilles becomes an infamous Twitch streamer. Both of these outcomes are equally tragic. Looming above them all, before they can truly endure their new lives in peace, Menelaus needs to fight for his wife's return from Paris' grubby twink fingers.

What ensues is a long, arduous, and highly-publicized legal battle between "the Greeks" and "the Trojans"; an effort led by Agamemnon and Hector respectively. The Olympians, particularly Hera and Athena, haven't forgotten Aphrodite's slight against them and throw their weight around in the case. And so, what you have is grown-ass men fighting in the courtroom, sabotoging the other side, and engaging in other morally-dubiously shenanigans on the behalf of their bros. A few more marriages are destroyed in the process, someone gets murdered probably, there's heists, somehow even more homoeroticism... etc. This goes on for quite a few exhausting years before finally settling around 2018.

WHAT NEXT?

To be honest, I haven't thought about what comes after the initial "bones" of the story to establish the context of this AU. I feel like I've wasted too much brainpower creating a somewhat coherent plot that I've forgotten that the entire point of this page is to yap about my stupid mundane headcanons without caring to justify them.

So... without further ado...

CHARACTERS.